No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
