If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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