i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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