he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize