mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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