Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
