Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
