were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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