I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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