Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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