i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
