I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I need water and some morals
Randomize
