Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
