My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
