Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize