she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
