That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
