let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
