there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
This house was built for laser tag.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
