i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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