i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Enjoy the penises
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
