I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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