Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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