I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We need a shit load of segways right now
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
