I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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