you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize