they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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