Having a random hookup so left but love u
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
how does that bad decision feel?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
