He had one of those small greek statue penises
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
