Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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