i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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