My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
