his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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