She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
