I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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