yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
