I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
