Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
