fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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