Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
