how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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