Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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