Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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