Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
