in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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