My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
