Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
