happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
