It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
