My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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