Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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