apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
