What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
