I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
