How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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