so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
