we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
