there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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