honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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