Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
