I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
