i permit you to call me
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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