so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
