I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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