true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
