I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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