My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
