I skipped work to stalk him.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
