After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
