Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
