Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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