apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize