We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize