so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
