I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize