so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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